


heartbreak was never so loud

by mrobrotzly



Series: i've got in my mind now all the things we'd do [2]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Ships It, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Mentioned Jaskier | Dandelion, POV Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Post-Episode: S01E06 Rare Species
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26466661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrobrotzly/pseuds/mrobrotzly
Summary: [...] "It isn't!" Ciri replied, she would stomp her feet if possible "You can't tell this is too complicated for me to understand, not when clearly all you need to do is talk about it!""This is the complicated part, Ciri" he explained calmly, speaking out loud would be admitting and admitting would be realizing... realizing how much time he wasted beingstupid."Why?" she tilted her head slightly to the side, frowning "You love him, you just have to show him that." [...]
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: i've got in my mind now all the things we'd do [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924015
Comments: 10
Kudos: 150





	heartbreak was never so loud

**Author's Note:**

> english is not my first language, if you find a mistake here just tell me and i'll do my best to correct this
> 
> Hope you enjoy it ♡
> 
> \- this fic can be read separately, but I recommend reading the first part (warning: it's explicit)

It was a whisper and the smell of salt water from unshed tears. It was the rhythmic pounding of a hurted heart, the sound of it breaking and getting far away...

It echoed in his mind like a thunder: words, anger, fury burning his veins, setting him on fire. A fire that destroyed everything and, ironically, left behind only a cold sensation of regret.

In no week did Geralt escape those dreams, he had no peace at all. Sometimes they were memories, memories that in the past would have made him smile, but now, they only made the hand around his heart tighten.

Other times it was red, it was panic while he watched a bloodbath without being able to do anything, while he saw landscapes being stained by that furious color.

But most of the time it was just a familiar face, empty eyes looking at him sadly before turning around and leaving... just leaving. Without ever returning.

That was what he wanted, wasn't it? Peace, a rest, silence.

_Silence…_

The Path has never been as quiet as it is now, even though his mind was constantly screaming with fury in the same way he did on top of that damn mountain.

He clenched his fists, had woken up again that night, haunted by the faint scent of cedarwood, mint and honeysuckle, once again seeing the cornflower blue turning to gray, to black, to nothing.

Sitting on a bedroll, Geralt raised his hands to his face, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he couldn't let himself show weakness, not now.

He grunted, closing his eyes tighter, fingers entwined in his own hair. Things should have been better, he was no longer alone, his Child Surprise had found him, Yennefer talked to him after Sodden, things calmed down as far as possible with destiny, now his priority being go to Kaer Morhen and make sure Ciri is safe, but it's obvious that something was missing, it's obvious that the emptiness in his chest still needed one more piece to stop existing.

It need something that would stop his mind from remember what he once had and lost, that would stop the silence of the night from practically hurting him physically, cutting him like a sword, while the breeze whispered that it's all his fault.

Well, not something, he knew, _someone..._

He would do anything to end that silence. He would do anything to hear Jaskier again, saying anything but the sad goodbye that haunted him every time he remembered his former travel companion.

"Geralt?" a sweet voice called to him, causing him to take his hands off his face "Are you okay?"

He nodded, looking at Ciri quickly, the girl was frowning with concern.

"I am" he said "Did I wake you up?"

She denied, approaching him and sitting beside him on the bedroll.

"Bad dream?"

"Hm."

She pressed her lips together, placing her hand on his shoulder the same way he did when trying to comfort her and Geralt almost smiled.

"It was about him, wasn't it?" she asked, green eyes shining making it clear that she already knew the answer.

"Hm" he replied, looking away, watching the falling leaves.

Ciri sighed and Geralt already knew what was coming next.

"You need to talk to him" she said, her voice as firm as it's an order and not a suggestion.

"We already talked about it."

"Yes and every time you say the same thing!" she crossed her arms "You have no way of knowing whether or not he'll accept your apologies, so why not try?"

The Witcher sighed.

"It's complicated" and it really is, Ciri only knew part of the story - a part that Yennefer told, not Geralt - he didn't know how to explain all the mistakes he made in his friendship with Jaskier - one of them: not accepting that it was indeed a friendship - he couldn't even explain to himself why he made all these mistakes! Every time he thought about it, he just wondered why? Why did he denied it for so long? Why did he try to drive away someone so important to him? Why did he only realize how much he could feel - _and really feel_ \- when he lost everything?

"It isn't!" Ciri replied, she would stomp her feet if possible "You can't tell this is too complicated for me to understand, not when clearly all you need to do is talk about it!"

"This is the complicated part, Ciri" he explained calmly, speaking out loud would be admitting and admitting would be realizing... realizing how much time he wasted being _stupid._

"Why?" she tilted her head slightly to the side, frowning "You love him, you just have to show him that."

Geralt looked at her with wide eyes, surprised.

He spoke very little about Jaskier, didn't even know if Ciri knew his name or only knew him as "the bard who traveled with Geralt" was it that obvious?

"Why do you think I love him?" he had to ask.

Ciri shrugged.

"It looks like love to me. Every time you hear someone playing when we pass near a tavern you expect it to be him and when it's not..." she squeezed his shoulder "You're sad, Geralt, you miss him."

Obvious destiny would give him a smart and observant cub - sometimes too observant.

He nodded. "I miss him."

"Why don't we look for him, then?"

He shook his head.

“I can't” and she opened her mouth to argue, but Geralt was quicker “Not now. Winter is coming, We have to go to Kaer Morhen, your safety comes first.”

She pressed her lips together, clearly not happy about it, but saying nothing.

"Do you think he's okay?" she whispered as if asking something like that out loud would compromise the bard's luck.

Geralt felt a knot in his stomach, the war went on, Nilfgaard looking for Ciri and as soon as they knew she's with Geralt, would be the bard - who was rarely seen without the Witcher by his side - safe?

"He has to be."

They were silent, the only noise being the crackle of the fire, Ciri rested her head on his shoulder, Geralt knew she was doing this to comfort him, she knew how much the silence bothered him. He still hasn't learned how to face it - all of it - but he knew that if he wanted to at least have a chance to have Jaskier by his side again, he would need to improve his conversational skills, he would have to work hard. He would have to be better.

Because Jaskier deserved it, deserved to know how much he cared. He deserved to know how much Geralt loves him.

"We'll find him" he said, more to himself than to Ciri "And I'll talk."

She smiled, closing her eyes and he allowed himself to smile too, even if only briefly, a smile of hope. He would try his best.

And maybe so, the silence wouldn't hurt him anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, second part 💖 i am planning this fic to have 3 parts (which one can be read separately) and the last will be the reunion and some smut 👀 
> 
> ♡ if you enjoy my work, toss a coin to your writer, please, you will find some links on my twitter ☕️ thank you ♡  
> [ ♡ twitter ♡ ](http://twitter.com/sorcererjaskier)


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